When someone you know has lost someone, flowers are one of the best ways to show you care.

Here at Susan Avery we've been based in Woollahra in Sydney's eastern suburbs for over 40 years, and sympathy flowers are some of the most important work we do.

This guide covers what to send, when to send it, which varieties are right for the day, and what to expect on pricing; whether you're sending to a family home, a place of worship, or a memorial service in Sydney.

These are two quite different situations, and it's easy to mix them up.

Flowers sent to a service, a funeral, memorial, or interment, are formal arrangements. They're displayed publicly alongside tributes from other mourners, and they need to hold up well without anyone fussing over them. Wreaths, sheaf arrangements, and standing tributes are the traditional choices. They're ordered in advance around the funeral director's requirements, with delivery coordinated to the venue.

Flowers sent to a family home are a private gesture. They arrive before, during, or after the service and go straight to the family. The arrangement needs to be self-contained in its own container, or wrapped so the recipient doesn't have to go hunting for a vase. A loose hand-tied bouquet is beautiful in other situations, but it quietly adds a small task to a household that's already got enough going on. Something that arrives ready to sit on the table is always the better call.

Not every flower is a good fit for condolence arrangements. It comes down to how long they'll last in a home where no one's going to be changing water twice a day, and whether the look feels right for the occasion.

Varieties that hold well:

• Cymbidium and phalaenopsis orchids  They can last two to three weeks with very little attention. They're elegant without being fussy, which makes them a great choice here.
• Oriental and Asiatic lilies  These a classic for sympathy flowers, and for a genuinely good reason. They last well, they travel well, and they're available year-round through the Sydney markets. If you're ordering a day before delivery, allow a little time for the buds to open.
• Lisianthus   Most people haven't heard of these, but they are one of the best flowers for bereavement. Long-lasting, refined, and not what everyone else is sending.
• Chrysanthemums are reliable and long-lasting. White spray chrysanthemums work well in both formal service arrangements and home deliveries.
• Carnations Carnations have fallen out of fashion in other contexts, but for sympathy arrangements they genuinely make sense. They outlast almost any other cut flower, and they've always been associated with remembrance.

Varieties to think twice about:

• Peonies Stunning, but they're only available in spring and they don't last long once they've opened. Not the right choice for a family who has other things on their mind.
• HydrangeasThey need consistent water and they wilt fast if they don't get it. Best avoided for home delivery, especially in summer.
• Sunflowers and bright tropical varietiesThe tone is usually off for condolence work. There are exceptions - a family who specifically wants colour, or a celebration-of-life - but that's a deliberate choice, not a default one.

Australian native wildflowers are increasingly popular for condolence arrangements, because they work really well when used thoughtfully.

Banksias, proteas, leucadendrons, and eucalyptus foliage bring something different and are less formal than lilies. Also they last longer than most soft-stemmed flowers. They're available most of the year through the Sydney Flower Market, and for families with a connection to the Australian landscape, they carry a meaning that many imported flowers don't.

White and cream natives such as leucadendron 'Blush', white protea, and eucalyptus sit comfortably within a traditional white palette. At the same time, they give you something less generic than the standard arrangement. In our experience, when families haven't specified a preference, a well-made native arrangement is often the one that gets the most comment.

The card is often the hardest part but a few things that generally hold true...

Keep it short. One sentence that names the person who's died and acknowledges the loss says more than a longer message that's searching for the right words and not quite finding them.

Use their name if you knew them. "We're thinking of you and of [name]" lands differently to a general condolence message, and it really matters when someone is grieving.

Avoid trying to reframe the loss. "In a better place" or "everything happens for a reason" are well-meaning but often don't land well. A simple, direct acknowledgement such as "We're so sorry. [Name] was known and loved by so many people" is almost always the right call.

At Susan Avery, we hand-write all sympathy card messages ourselves. If you're ordering by phone or online, give us your message and we'll write it for you. If you come into the studio in Woollahra, we have a large range available.

The most important thing with sympathy and condolence orders is to call us. These aren't like a birthday flowers where timing isn't a challenge. Funeral and memorial timing is usually tied to a particular date, a specific service, or a family's particular circumstances, and we work around that.

The earlier you're in touch, the more we can do.

For service deliveries especially, knowing the date and venue, and any requirements from the funeral director are really important. That said, we know that bereavement doesn't always allow for planning ahead, and we'll always do our best to make it work for you.

Call us directly on +61 2 9363 1168 to talk through what you need and when.

For casket flowers and formal funeral tributes, there are specific sizing and placement requirements. Your funeral director will have those details, or we can deal with them directly.

Home delivery arrangements from Susan Avery start from $180. Most sympathy arrangements for the home sit in the $180-450 range depending on variety and whether a vase or pot is included.

Formal service arrangements such as wreaths and sheafs range from $200 to $500 and above depending on size and complexity.

Our casket cover work is quoted separately. Enquire here.

The main things that affect the price are the flowers themselves (for instance, orchids are more expensive than lisianthus). Also factor in whether the arrangement includes a vessel, the size of the arrangement, and delivery deadlines.

We don't discount condolence orders or run promotions on this work.
It's not that kind of order, and we don't treat it that way.